Long talk last night. Nothing resolved. More questions. The ball is in his court. I know what I want, I know what I want to do. He doesn’t. He has less of an idea than I do. He doesn’t want to hurt me, but he thinks he will, in the end, because he can’t give me his time, or his attention, when his life is so hectic and stressful. And everytime I try to give, he turns it down, believing it isn’t fair that I give so much when he can give little.
Short talk today. Wishing him a fun Fourth of July. Listening to him rant about how his professor posted his homework late and now he’s rushing to fix it. Listening to me talk about my new pet orchid that will likely be dead soon, due to my cursed lack of a green thumb. Telling me to have fun watching the fireworks with my friends tonight. Saying goodbye. Afraid to say I miss you.
I’m getting better at coping with this day by day. I no longer burst into tears so randomly, but it’s still hard. And it’s eating away at me. All logic says I should give up, that it’s not worth it. But my heart says it is, because you’re the only one. You’re worth it.
