The last few days have been rough. Despite my vow in the previous post to keep my head level and bear through all this, I ended up bawling my face off in a fight we had Monday night. It was the first real fight we’ve had. He doesn’t have time to see me this weekend, not even for a little bit, and me, being a bit of a hyperemotional wreck anyways, couldn’t take it. He’s grumpy and stressed and I’m lonely and easily disappointed. I’m not strong and I’m not always sweet and neither is he. He feels like his life is a mess and I am so happy in the way my own is going that the only thing that worries me is his.
I guess I’m just disappointed that he doesn’t want to see me. I wonder if it’d be the same way if I didn’t live so far. And I’m disappointed in myself. He said it didn’t help that I was so upset, because it just makes him feel even more lost because he can’t even make me happy. Which at the time in the short term was true, I was incredibly upset. But overall, I’m still happy, because I know you mean much more to me than this stupid little fight or the fact that I won’t see you for another few weeks. It’ll be over soon.
Don’t worry darling, I bounce back easily. I’m an optimist. And I don’t want you to worry about making me happy, because you do.
“I’m sorry, I told you I’m crazy. I told you I have issues.”
If I’m gonna fall in love with you, I gotta fall in love with the crazy and the issues too. Because that’s you, all of you. I’ll take you for all you are, if you’ll take me for what I am.
(It’s better now. He’s trying harder to check on me to make sure I’m doing ok, and I am trying to be more understanding. It’s not easy, but it’s all I can do)
